Writing Solutions:
Dialogue Instead of Description

by Amy Norton

Problem:

My students write, but their narratives are just full of dialogue that goes on and on. They really are more like a character script. Here is an excerpt from a student’s writing: “Krista, do you want to spend the night?” said Ashlie. “Oh my gosh YES!” Krista replied. “Okay, I will have to check with my parents to see what time you can come.” “Awesome, what should I bring with me?” “I don’t know, maybe your mp3 and some Doritos.” “Okey dokey. I can bring my yearbook too,” said Krista.

Strength:

The first comment many teachers would make is that the student knows how to punctuate dialogue. But even more sophisticated and less noticed is how well this student gives the characters personality through their dialogue. This student captured the excitement that Krista brings to the conversation quite well through punctuation. Her writing is common in elementary and secondary classrooms. She has learned that dialogue is a cool thing writers do, and she probably appreciates it as a reader.

Issue:

There are actually two issues at hand here: meaning and details.

Let’s start with meaning. What is the author’s point? What is she trying to communicate? Why has she taken the time and effort to record this exchange between Krista and herself? Carl Anderson states that “meaning isn’t just one of the many qualities of good writing we consider when we assess whether or not a text is well written; meaning is the most important of the traits” (P. 58). Without meaning, there is no reason for Ashlie to think of her audience and, therefore, no reason to write well.

Solution:

As teachers we can work with students one-on-one and ask those questions. Once they have articulated who the audience is and what their intentions are, they can figure out how to write this story in a way that communicates that meaning (Anderson, p. 65). We can teach her that a writer intentionally uses dialogue to reveal a character and build a scene. We can show this to her using a text that she is very familiar with—perhaps a touchstone text or mentor text (texts which the entire class is familiar with through shared or whole class reading) or with a guided reading or independent reading text she has recently read.

Georgia Heard suggests a revision lesson catered to these beginning writers who include “too much or extraneous dialogue” focused on creating a scene that condenses dialogue into one- or two-sentence summations. (Heard, p. 59-60). For example, the writing sample above could be summarized as follows:

After inviting Krista to spend the night, the girls began planning for the fun they would have.

Once summarized, the idea behind the ‘scene’ becomes more concrete. According to Barry Lane, this scene is a mixture of dialogue and description that brings together characterization, physical details, and gives the reader a reason to continue reading (Lane, p. 54). The touchstone text used earlier to illustrate how writers use dialogue to create meaning, can be used to show how details are woven with dialogue to create a scene. Ashlie can continue revising her work using the text as a guide.

For lessons on creating details, read chapters three and four in Barry Lane’s After The End, chapter eight in Carl Anderson’s Assessing Writers and the chapter on voice in Georgia Heard’s The Revison Toolbox. For conferring ideas, read chapter four in Carl Anderson’s Assessing Writers.

Sources:

Anderson, C. (2005).

Assessing writers. Portsmouth: Heinemann. (chapter 4)

Heard, G. (2002).

The revision toolbox. Portsmouth: Heinemann.

Lane, B. (1993).

After the end. Portsmouth: Heinemann. (chapter 4)

Amy Norton

Amy Norton is a teacher and literacy coach. She taught fifth grade for three years, middle school language arts for five years, and coached teachers in literacy in grades three through eight. She is a teacher consultant of the Indiana Writing Project, and a certified Literacy Coach through Purdue University’s Literacy Network. She has been a member of the AllWrite!!! writing consortium for the last seven years working with experts in the field of writing including JoAnn Portalupi, Carl Anderson, and Janet Angellilo. Her masters in language education was earned from Indiana University, Bloomington.

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